Coping with Stress During Thanksgiving: Finding Peace Between the Pie and the Politics

By Lillian McHenry, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP

Gratitude Meets Chaos

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for gratitude and togetherness — not emotional whiplash, political debates, or gravy-related panic. Yet, for many people, the holiday season can feel more like “Survivor: Family Edition” than a Norman Rockwell painting.

If you find yourself exhausted, anxious, or fantasizing about hiding in the pantry with the pie, you’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association (2023), nearly 38% of adults report increased stress during the holidays, often due to family tension, finances, and the pressure to make everything “perfect.”

So how do we survive Thanksgiving with our sanity (and relationships) intact? Let’s dig in — with humor, grace, and maybe an extra slice of pumpkin pie.

---

Why Thanksgiving Stress Happens

Holidays tap into our deepest emotional patterns: family dynamics, childhood memories, and expectations of connection that don’t always match reality. Psychologist Leon Festinger (1957) called this cognitive dissonance — that gap between what we wish would happen and what actually does.

Throw in jet-lagged relatives, food that takes six hours to make and six minutes to criticize, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for emotional overload.

---

Mind-Body Connection: Why You’re Tense Before the Turkey

When you feel holiday stress rising, that’s your sympathetic nervous system kicking in — the fight, flight, or freeze response (Sapolsky, 2004). It’s great if you’re being chased by a bear. Less helpful when Uncle Mike starts debating conspiracy theories over mashed potatoes.

Too much of that fight-or-flight energy floods your body with cortisol, impacting your mood, digestion, and sleep (McEwen, 2007). But the good news is: you can take your power back with mindful, body-based coping tools.

---

Six Strategies to Stay Calm (and Maybe Even Enjoy Yourself)

1. Let Go of Perfection

The turkey doesn’t have to be Instagram-worthy. Your house doesn’t need to smell like cinnamon and inner peace. As Brené Brown (2010) says, perfectionism is a shield — not a superpower. Connection thrives in imperfection. So if the gravy’s lumpy? Laugh about it. That’s your new family tradition.

2. Pause — Breathe — Respond

When tensions rise, take one deep breath before reacting. Ask yourself: Will this matter in a week? This quick nervous-system reset (Porges, 2017) helps you move from survival mode to calm control.

3. Create Micro-Moments of Calm

Step outside. Feel the cool air. Listen to the crunch of leaves. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding trick: 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste (bonus if it’s pie). Even a two-minute mindfulness break can regulate your body (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).

4. Delegate and Simplify

You don’t have to do it all. Ask others to bring a side, or even — gasp — paper plates. Research shows that social support reduces psychological distress (Thoits, 2011).

5. Practice Gratitude (the Real Kind)

Gratitude doesn’t have to be lofty. It can be as simple as, “I’m grateful my cousin didn’t bring up politics this year.” Daily gratitude practices are proven to improve well-being (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

6. Protect Your Peace

Boundaries aren’t mean — they’re maintenance. You can kindly say “no,” skip a gathering, or leave early. Protecting your emotional energy keeps you present for the moments that truly matter.

---

After the Feast

Once the dishes are done and the guests go home, take time to rest and reflect. Maybe light a candle, sip some tea, or jot down what went well — and what you’ll skip next year.

Remember: Thanksgiving isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence. Gratitude can coexist with exhaustion, laughter with frustration, and love with imperfection. That’s the real feast.

---

References

American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress in America 2023: Holiday Edition. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Festinger, L. (1957). A theory of cognitive dissonance. Stanford University Press.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living. Delta.
McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: Central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904.
Porges, S. W. (2017). The pocket guide to the Polyvagal Theory. W. W. Norton & Company.
Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don’t get ulcers (3rd ed.). Henry Holt.
Thoits, P. A. (2011). Mechanisms linking social ties and support to physical and mental health. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 52(2), 145–161.

---

Need a Reset This Season?

If you’re feeling the holiday stress weighing on your shoulders, McHenry Counseling offers compassionate, evidence-based support to help you find balance, boundaries, and peace of mind — not just during the holidays, but all year long.

🕊️ Visit McHenryCounseling.com
📞 Call or text (832) 977-6138
💬 “From Surviving to Thriving” — because you deserve more than just getting through the holidays.