The Hidden Harm of Adult Bullying: When Playground Tactics Follow Us Into Adulthood

 

Bullying is often associated with childhood playgrounds, where children navigate social hierarchies and assert dominance in overt ways. However, bullying does not fade with age—it simply evolves. In adulthood, bullying takes on subtler yet equally destructive forms: gossiping, spreading rumors, being overly critical, and engaging in harsh judgment of others. While these behaviors may seem trivial or socially acceptable in certain circles, their effects can be profound, not only on the targets but also on the perpetrators.

Causes of Adult Bullying

Adult bullying stems from a variety of psychological, social, and environmental factors. Unlike childhood bullying, which often involves physical intimidation, adult bullying is more insidious, weaving itself into the fabric of social interactions and professional environments.

Unresolved Insecurities

Adults who engage in gossip, rumors, and judgmental behaviors often struggle with deep-seated insecurities. Their criticisms of others act as a smokescreen, obscuring their own vulnerabilities. Research suggests that individuals with lower self-esteem are more likely to engage in bullying behavior as a means of compensating for personal inadequacies (Pabian et al., 2015). Just as a magician distracts the audience with a flourish of movement to conceal a trick, adult bullies manipulate narratives to divert attention from their own perceived flaws.

The Need for Control and Power

Gossiping and spreading rumors serve as a means of control, allowing the bully to influence others’ perceptions of a person or situation. This behavior often stems from a lack of control in other areas of life. Studies indicate that workplace bullying, a common form of adult bullying, is often a strategy used by individuals who feel powerless or threatened in their positions (Branch et al., 2013). Much like a puppeteer pulling the strings from behind the curtain, adult bullies attempt to manipulate others to maintain a false sense of superiority.

Social Reinforcement

Social environments often reward gossip and judgmental behavior with attention and approval. In workplaces, friend groups, or even family settings, negativity can bond people together. Social learning theory suggests that people are more likely to adopt behaviors that are reinforced by those around them (Bandura, 1977). When gossip is met with nodding heads, hushed agreements, or laughter, it becomes a socially acceptable habit rather than an isolated incident.

Learned Behavior

Many adult bullies grew up in environments where gossip and harsh judgment were normalized. Studies have shown that children who witness their parents engaging in aggressive or manipulative communication are more likely to exhibit those same behaviors in adulthood (Rigby, 2017). Much like a hand-me-down coat that doesn’t quite fit, they wear this learned behavior into adulthood without questioning its impact.

Effects of Adult Bullying

The damage caused by adult bullying extends far beyond hurt feelings. Words, once spoken, take on a life of their own, creating ripple effects that can erode self-esteem, damage relationships, and perpetuate cycles of insecurity.

Psychological Effects on the Target

Being the subject of gossip or judgment can lead to emotional distress, anxiety, and self-doubt. Studies have found that individuals subjected to workplace bullying experience higher rates of depression, anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms (Nielsen & Einarsen, 2012). When words become weapons, they leave wounds that do not always heal with time.

Workplace and Social Consequences

In professional settings, adult bullying can sabotage careers, create toxic work environments, and diminish productivity. Workplace bullying has been linked to increased absenteeism, higher turnover rates, and lower job satisfaction (Hershcovis, 2011). Similarly, in social circles, those targeted may find themselves ostracized or struggling to maintain friendships, much like a tree losing its leaves in the harsh winds of a storm.

Impact on Children Who Witness Adult Bullying

Children who observe adults engaging in gossip, criticism, and judgment internalize these behaviors as acceptable. Research suggests that children who grow up witnessing bullying behaviors are more likely to become either bullies or victims themselves (Copeland et al., 2013). Words do not just travel through the air—they embed themselves in young minds, shaping their worldview.

Link Between Adult Bullying and Suicide

The psychological toll of adult bullying can be severe, leading to depression, anxiety, and in extreme cases, suicidal ideation. Victims may feel trapped in a web of negativity, seeing no escape from the relentless judgment and gossip. Studies have shown that individuals who experience bullying are at a significantly higher risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors (Holt et al., 2015). Specifically, adults who face workplace bullying are twice as likely to consider suicide compared to those who do not experience such mistreatment (Leymann, 1996). The correlation between bullying and suicidality underscores the devastating impact of toxic social interactions.

Breaking the Cycle

Stopping adult bullying requires self-awareness, accountability, and a shift in social norms. Change begins when individuals recognize the impact of their words and take deliberate steps toward healthier communication.

• Practicing Self-Reflection
  Before engaging in gossip or judgment, individuals can ask themselves: “Would I say this if the person were present?” or “What do I gain from sharing this?” Developing mindfulness around speech can prevent harmful words from taking root.

• Redirecting Conversations
  When confronted with gossip or judgmental remarks, one can change the subject or counter the negativity with something positive. Just as a gardener removes weeds to allow flowers to flourish, redirecting conversations can create a healthier social environment.

• Encouraging Empathy
  Developing empathy helps break the cycle of adult bullying. Understanding that everyone faces struggles—many unseen—fosters compassion rather than judgment. When people recognize that gossip and criticism stem from insecurity, they can choose to respond with kindness rather than participation.

• Creating Supportive Communities
  Workplaces, families, and social groups thrive when they encourage authenticity rather than criticism. Setting boundaries against toxic conversations and valuing openness and support can shift group dynamics. Like a fire that dies without fuel, gossip and negativity diminish when they are not fed by attention.

A Path Toward Change

Adult bullying, though often dismissed as harmless chatter or sharp wit, leaves lasting scars on individuals and communities. Gossip, rumors, and judgment serve as social weapons that wound both the target and the wielder, perpetuating insecurity and division. However, just as words have the power to harm, they also have the power to heal. By choosing understanding over judgment, support over criticism, and kindness over cruelty, individuals can break the cycle of adult bullying, creating environments where people feel safe, valued, and respected.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of bullying and experiencing suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek help. In the United States, you can call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 to connect with trained counselors who can provide support.

References

• Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Prentice-Hall.
• Branch, S., Ramsay, S., & Barker, M. (2013). Workplace bullying, mobbing, and general harassment: A review. International Journal of Management Reviews, 15(3), 280-299.
• Copeland, W. E., Wolke, D., Angold, A., & Costello, E. J. (2013). Adult psychiatric outcomes of bullying and being bullied by peers in childhood and adolescence. JAMA Psychiatry, 70(4), 419-426.
• Hershcovis, M. S. (2011). “Incivility, social undermining, bullying...oh my!”: A call to reconcile constructs within workplace aggression research. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 32(3), 499-519.
• Holt, M. K., Vivolo-Kantor, A. M., Polanin, J. R., & Holland, K. M. (2015). Bullying and suicidal ideation and behaviors: A meta-analysis. Pediatrics, 135(2), e496-e509.
• Leymann, H. (1996). The content and development of mobbing at work. European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, 5(2), 165-184.
• Nielsen, M. B., & Einarsen, S. (2012). Outcomes of exposure to workplace bullying. Work & Stress, 26(3), 185-199.
• Pabian, S., Vandebosch, H., & Poels, K. (2015). How online and offline victimization impact well-being. Computers in Human Behavior, 53, 94-103.
• Rigby, K. (2017). Bullying in schools and what to do about it. ACER Press.