Helicopter Parents: How Hovering Can Ground a Child’s Growth

The term Helicopter Parent originated in the 1960s to describe a parent who is overly involved in their child’s life. This parenting style has become increasingly common in today’s fast-paced, hyper-competitive world. A Helicopter Parent, like the namesake aircraft, hovers above, always ready to intervene and rescue their child from any perceived threat or challenge (Segrin et al., 2012). The intentions behind this behavior often stem from love and protection, but the consequences are far-reaching. The child, rather than thriving, can become emotionally, mentally, and socially stunted.

What is a Helicopter Parent?

Helicopter Parents tend to manage, direct, and control most aspects of their child’s life. They interfere in situations like homework assignments, extracurricular activities, and even social relationships. By constantly hovering over their children, they create an environment where independence is difficult to achieve (Padilla-Walker & Nelson, 2012). Think of this type of parent as a relentless gardener who refuses to let their plants grow naturally. Instead, they control the sunlight, the water, and even the wind, ensuring the plant never faces a challenge—but at the cost of its natural strength.

The Roots of Helicopter Parenting

Often, Helicopter Parenting is fueled by anxiety or fear. Parents want to protect their children from all harm, disappointment, or failure (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011). This parenting style stems from a deep-rooted belief that the world is a dangerous place, and children are incapable of managing its many challenges alone. Picture a child trying to ride a bike while the parent is holding onto the seat—eventually, the child stops pedaling, relying entirely on the parent to guide them.

By not allowing children to experience adversity, Helicopter Parents create an artificial sense of security. Their children grow up believing that the world will always cater to them or that someone will always be there to solve their problems. In reality, this sets them up for significant challenges when they eventually have to face real-world problems on their own.

The Disabling Impact of Hovering

While protecting a child from every danger may seem beneficial, the long-term consequences are profound. Here’s how Helicopter Parenting can disable a child:

1. Stunted Independence

Children need to make their own mistakes to grow. Independence is learned through trial and error, through falling down and getting back up again (Ungar, 2009). Helicopter Parents, however, intervene before any real mistake can occur. In doing so, they rob their children of the opportunity to solve problems, make decisions, and learn from failures. This behavior fosters a dependence on the parent, much like a bird that never learns to fly because it’s kept in a nest for too long.

2. Fear of Failure

Helicopter Parents aim to prevent failure at all costs. While this may protect the child’s short-term feelings, it instills a paralyzing fear of failure in the long run (Segrin et al., 2013). Children who have never failed often see failure as catastrophic rather than an essential part of learning. The absence of failure fosters perfectionism, where the fear of falling short leads to avoidance of challenges altogether. Imagine handing a child a beautifully wrapped gift labeled “Success,” but inside is a ticking time bomb of anxiety, waiting to explode the moment things don’t go as planned.

3. Emotional Fragility

Without exposure to disappointment and hardship, children become emotionally fragile. Helicopter Parents, by swooping in to fix every problem, deprive their children of the ability to manage stress, disappointment, and failure (Odenweller et al., 2014). Emotional resilience, like any other skill, must be built over time. It’s like a muscle that atrophies without regular exercise. When these children face their first significant setback—whether academic, social, or personal—the emotional toll can feel overwhelming, leading to feelings of inadequacy and despair.

4. Risk Aversion

When a child grows up under the constant supervision of a Helicopter Parent, they develop an aversion to taking risks. They come to believe that the world is too dangerous to navigate without parental guidance, leading them to avoid any situation that feels remotely uncertain or uncomfortable (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011). It’s akin to keeping a bird in a cage for so long that, when finally released, it doesn’t even attempt to fly.

Risk-taking is crucial for growth and development. Whether it’s trying out for a team, applying to college, or asking for a promotion, life requires individuals to take risks. Children who are taught to avoid challenges may grow up to be adults who play it safe, never pushing beyond their comfort zone, limiting their potential in the process.

Breaking Free from the Hover

Parents who engage in Helicopter Parenting often don’t realize the long-term effects of their behavior. They aim to protect, but in doing so, they disable their child’s growth. The key is to find a balance between offering protection and allowing freedom.

1. Step Back and Observe

Give your child the space to solve problems independently. Think of yourself as a lighthouse—guiding from a distance but not steering the ship. It’s essential to let children figure things out on their own, even if it means watching them struggle temporarily. Struggles teach lessons that no parent can deliver.

2. Allow Failure

Teach your child that failure is a natural part of life. Failure isn’t a reflection of their worth but a stepping stone toward growth (Ungar, 2009). When children learn to embrace failure, they develop resilience and self-confidence. Just like a tree that grows stronger with each storm it faces, children need those challenges to grow.

3. Encourage Risk-Taking

Provide opportunities for your child to take small, manageable risks. Encourage them to make their own decisions, even if it means the outcome isn’t perfect. The ability to take risks is crucial for future success. Children need to learn that failure is not the end of the world, but rather, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow.

4. Foster Independence

Encourage your child to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. Whether it’s choosing their extracurricular activities or managing their homework, children need opportunities to make choices and experience consequences. This autonomy fosters a sense of independence, self-efficacy, and the confidence to face life’s challenges head-on (Padilla-Walker & Nelson, 2012).

Conclusion

Helicopter Parenting, despite its good intentions, can stunt a child’s growth by inhibiting their ability to make independent decisions, face challenges, and recover from failure. Much like a tree growing in the shade, children need sunlight, space, and the occasional storm to become resilient and strong. Overprotective parenting may shield them from the immediate harm, but it leaves them vulnerable to future difficulties. The best thing a parent can do is land the helicopter, give their child the tools to navigate life on their own, and let them fly.

References

LeMoyne, T., & Buchanan, T. (2011). Does “hovering” matter? Helicopter parenting and its effect on well-being. Sociological Spectrum, 31(4), 399-418. https://doi.org/10.1080/02732173.2011.574038

Odenweller, K. G., Booth-Butterfield, M., & Weber, K. (2014). Investigating Helicopter Parenting, family environments, and relational outcomes for millennials. Communication Studies, 65(4), 407-425. https://doi.org/10.1080/10510974.2013.811434

Padilla-Walker, L. M., & Nelson, L. J. (2012). Black Hawk Down? Establishing Helicopter Parenting as a distinct construct from other forms of parental control during emerging adulthood. Journal of Adolescence, 35(5), 1177-1190. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2012.03.007

Segrin, C., Woszidlo, A., Givertz, M., Bauer, A., & Murphy, M. T. (2012). The association between overparenting, parent-child communication, and entitlement. Family Relations, 61(2), 237-252. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00689.x

Segrin, C., Givertz, M., Swaitkowski, P., & Montgomery, N. (2013). Overparenting is associated with child problems and a critical family environment. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 24(7), 1965-1973. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-014-9981-6

Ungar, M. (2009). The we generation: Raising socially responsible kids. Da Capo Lifelong Books.