The Meaning of “Be Coachable”: Navigating the Coachability Continuum

The phrase "be coachable" is often used in personal, professional, and academic settings. But is being coachable a strength or a weakness? Without hesitation, being coachable is a strength. Why? Because it signifies an openness to growth, learning, and self-improvement. In a world that is constantly changing, those who can adapt and evolve with feedback are more likely to succeed. Being coachable is not about admitting weakness; it’s about recognizing that no one has all the answers, and the willingness to learn from others is one of the greatest strengths a person can possess.

Being coachable is like being a sponge in a world of knowledge—you’re ready to absorb information, wring out old habits, and soak up new perspectives. A coachable person doesn’t take constructive criticism as an attack but as an opportunity for growth. Think of it as a seedling embracing sunlight and water. Without these external sources of nourishment, it cannot grow, no matter its potential.

On the other hand, someone who is uncoachable is like a cactus in the desert—rigid and self-sufficient to the point where it rejects external support, relying solely on its internal resources. While this may seem like strength, it often limits growth, cutting off valuable input and stunting potential.

The Coachability Continuum

Coachability exists on a continuum, much like a dial that can range from low to high. At one end are those who resist any form of feedback, viewing it as an intrusion or threat. On the other end are individuals who actively seek feedback, craving opportunities for improvement and applying new ideas with enthusiasm. Most people fall somewhere in between, with their position on this spectrum influenced by life experiences, mindset, and emotional readiness.

Being coachable is fluid, adjusting like a thermostat depending on the situation. Someone might be highly coachable in their professional life but resistant in their personal relationships. This flexibility is natural and highlights that coachability is not a fixed trait but a dynamic one that evolves over time.

Why Some People Struggle with Coachability

Several factors can make it difficult for someone to be coachable:

1. Ego: This acts like a large boulder blocking the path of progress. If an individual believes they already know everything or fears looking weak, they are likely to reject coaching.

2. Fear of Failure or Criticism: For some, feedback feels like a spotlight shining on their shortcomings. They may interpret advice as a sign of inadequacy, retreating into a defensive stance like a turtle pulling into its shell at the first sign of danger.

3. Negative Past Experiences: Harsh or unhelpful feedback from the past can leave individuals hesitant to accept guidance in the future, much like a dog that’s been scolded too often shying away from human contact.

4. Mental Health Concerns: Mental health conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, or even depression can make it difficult for individuals to be coachable. For example, individuals with ADHD may struggle with the attention and focus needed to absorb information. If unmanaged, their minds might drift, making it hard to process feedback, much like trying to catch a butterfly with a net full of holes. The challenge of concentrating can make absorbing and applying guidance a struggle, leading to frustration on both sides.

   Anxiety can also play a role, as it heightens sensitivity to feedback, making it feel like a personal attack rather than constructive criticism. For someone with anxiety, receiving feedback may feel like standing under a waterfall, overwhelming and relentless, even when it’s intended to help. Depression can make an individual unmotivated to act on feedback, as they may feel that change is pointless or too difficult to achieve, reinforcing a cycle of stagnation.

Why Some People Are Highly Coachable

Highly coachable individuals tend to share several traits:

1. Growth Mindset: They believe that skills and abilities are malleable, like clay on a potter’s wheel, which can be shaped and refined with the right guidance.
2. Humility: Coachable individuals are comfortable being vulnerable. They acknowledge that they don’t have all the answers, creating fertile ground for new ideas to take root.
3. Resilience: When faced with challenges, they bounce back and use the experience to improve, much like a tree growing stronger after each storm.

How Parents Can Foster Coachability in Children

Just as adults benefit from developing coachability, children can learn these skills early in life with the right guidance. Parents play a critical role in shaping their child’s openness to learning and feedback.

1. Model Coachability: Parents should demonstrate how to handle feedback with grace and a growth mindset. For example, if a parent receives feedback at work, they can share their experience with their child, explaining how they are using that advice to improve. Like a mirror, children reflect the behaviors they see in their caregivers.

2. Encourage a Growth Mindset: Teach children that mistakes are part of learning. When they struggle with a school assignment or activity, emphasize effort over perfection. Use phrases like “You’re still learning” or “Mistakes help your brain grow.” This shifts their focus from fear of failure to viewing challenges as opportunities for improvement, like a tree that needs sunlight and rain to grow tall.

3. Praise Effort, Not Outcome: Focus on praising the process, not just the result. If your child succeeds at a task, celebrate the effort they put in rather than the end result. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that.” This reinforces the idea that effort and perseverance are more valuable than innate talent.

4. Engage in Problem-Solving Together: When your child encounters a problem, guide them through the process of finding a solution rather than offering the answer outright. It’s like giving them the tools to build a bridge instead of carrying them across the river. This fosters critical thinking and the understanding that they can learn from challenges.

5. Practice Role-Playing: One activity parents can engage in with their children is role-playing scenarios where feedback is given and received. For example, parents can take turns with their children practicing how to accept feedback politely and use it constructively. This not only normalizes feedback but helps children understand that it’s part of the learning process.

6. Encourage Team-Based Activities: Sports, group projects, or team-building exercises are great ways for children to practice receiving feedback from peers and adults. These activities show that success often involves collaboration and the ability to learn from others, much like pieces of a puzzle fitting together to create a complete picture.

Improving Coachability: Strategies for Adults and Children

Coachability can be developed and refined at any age. Here are some strategies to help individuals improve their place on the coachability continuum:

1. Adopt a Growth Mindset: Remind yourself that skills and abilities can improve over time. Embrace challenges and see them as opportunities to grow, just as a river wears away stone over time.
2. Manage Ego and Defensiveness: Being coachable doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re willing to grow. Imagine yourself as an open window, allowing fresh air to come in and carry out the stagnant air.
3. Seek Feedback Proactively: Don’t wait for others to offer advice. Actively ask for feedback from trusted sources, like a sailor adjusting their sails to navigate the wind, using feedback to guide your journey.
4. Reflect on Feedback: Instead of reacting emotionally, reflect on feedback. Think of feedback as a map—it can guide you, but it’s up to you to choose the route you take.
5. Engage in Reflective Conversations: With your children, discuss what feedback means and how it can help them grow. Use everyday situations, like helping with homework or learning a new skill, to practice reflecting on what went well and what could be improved.

Conclusion

Being coachable is a strength, not a weakness. It signals a willingness to learn, grow, and improve in all areas of life. Like a thermostat adjusting to new temperatures, our coachability fluctuates based on our mindset, readiness, and experiences. Mental health concerns such as ADHD, anxiety, or depression can add additional hurdles, but they are not insurmountable. By fostering coachability in ourselves and our children, we set the stage for continuous improvement and success. Through modeling, role-playing, and creating a growth-focused environment, parents can guide their children in developing this vital skill that will benefit them throughout their lives.

---

References:

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.

Rock, D. (2009). Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. Harper Business.