The Art of Being Genuine: How to Recognize Authenticity in Yourself

 

To be genuine and authentic is to live in harmony with your true self, allowing your thoughts, feelings, and actions to align seamlessly. It’s like walking in shoes that truly fit—not squeezing into something too tight or stumbling around in oversized boots. Authenticity brings a sense of comfort, allowing you to move through life without constant self-doubt or pretenses.

What Does it Mean to Be Authentic and Genuine?

Being authentic means peeling away layers of societal expectations, fears, and masks you might wear to please others. Think of it like polishing a stone—you start with something rough, unshaped by life’s pressures, and through experience, you discover its true beauty. When you're authentic, you aren't trying to mold yourself into what others expect. Instead, you're living as the raw, polished version of yourself (Brown, 2012).

To be genuine means being transparent and true to yourself, like clear water that doesn’t distort what lies beneath. It involves expressing your emotions, values, and thoughts without twisting them to fit a narrative that isn’t yours (Kernis & Goldman, 2006).

How Do You Know if You’re Not Being Genuine?

Being out of sync with your genuine self feels like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that just don’t fit. You might feel a constant sense of unease or like you're wearing a mask, switching your identity to fit different crowds. If you ever catch yourself saying or doing things that feel unnatural or forced—like pretending to enjoy something you despise—you’re likely stepping away from your authenticity.

Here are some telltale signs:

• Constant need for approval: If you find yourself basing decisions on what will earn you praise or validation, you might be living for others instead of yourself (Harter, 1999).
• Feeling drained: Pretending to be someone you’re not takes energy, much like constantly wearing a costume. You might feel tired because you’re putting on a performance.
• Conflict between thoughts and actions: If what you think and what you do regularly feel at odds, there’s a disconnect between your true self and the face you present to the world.

Why Many Don’t Learn How to Be Authentic

We are often taught to mold ourselves to fit society's expectations, like clay in the hands of a potter. Over time, you may become shaped by others’ values and desires, suppressing your own. This can start in childhood when parents, teachers, or peers encourage conformity to the status quo. Rather than being encouraged to explore our unique attributes, we are told what we should be (Rogers, 1961).

Cultural pressures play a role too. Like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, societal norms push individuals to chase ideals that don’t align with their natural self. Whether it’s beauty standards, career paths, or behavior expectations, these external pressures can bury our true selves (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).

Fear also plays a huge part. Many fear that if they reveal their true self, they’ll face rejection, ridicule, or judgment—so they suppress it.

Strategies to Learn Authenticity and Embrace Your Genuine Self

Reconnecting with your genuine self is like untangling a knotted ball of string. It takes patience and careful reflection, but the result is freeing and rewarding. Here are strategies to guide you:

1. Spend Time Alone
   Just as a gardener must step back and observe their plants to understand what they need, spending time alone lets you understand who you truly are without outside influences. Journaling, meditation, or simply reflecting on your own thoughts helps you separate what’s authentically yours from what’s been imposed on you (Harris, 2018).

2. Identify Your Core Values
   Core values are like the North Star—they guide your path. Ask yourself, “What do I truly value?” Is it honesty? Creativity? Freedom? When you know your values, it’s easier to align your actions with your authentic self (Schwartz, 1992).

3. Embrace Vulnerability
   Being genuine means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Imagine a turtle sticking its head out of its shell—it’s a risk, but only by doing so can it move forward. Similarly, revealing your true thoughts and emotions might feel scary, but it’s a necessary step in building authentic connections (Brown, 2015).

4. Challenge External Expectations
   Think of yourself as an artist with a blank canvas. Society may want to hand you a paint-by-numbers kit, but authenticity requires you to paint your own picture. Start questioning the external pressures you’ve conformed to. Are you pursuing a career you love, or one that looks good to others? Are your friendships nourishing, or do they feel like obligations?

5. Practice Saying ‘No’
   Authenticity often means setting boundaries. Saying 'no' when something doesn’t resonate with your true self is like drawing a line in the sand—it protects your energy and preserves your integrity (Kernis & Goldman, 2006).

6. Notice When You People-Please
   People-pleasing is like being a chameleon—constantly changing to fit in. It’s draining and unsustainable. Instead of molding yourself to fit others’ expectations, start recognizing when you’re doing this and ask yourself, “Is this what I want?”

7. Surround Yourself with Authentic People
   Being around authentic people is like basking in sunlight—warm and uplifting. They encourage you to be yourself, without judgment. Seek out those who value and accept you as you are, and distance yourself from those who expect you to conform (Rogers, 1961).

8. Reflect on Past Experiences
   Like reviewing the playbook after a game, looking back on moments when you felt most genuine helps you understand the conditions that allow your authentic self to thrive. Reflect on times when you acted against your true self and explore the feelings behind those decisions.

Final Thoughts

Being genuine and authentic is a process, like peeling layers of an onion. Each layer removed brings you closer to your true self, and while it might bring tears at times, it’s worth the journey. Living authentically offers freedom—a life where you are no longer trying to fit into someone else’s mold, but instead, you are crafting a life true to your nature. Be patient with yourself, take one step at a time, and remember that every layer peeled brings you closer to the person you were always meant to be.

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References

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.

Brown, B. (2015). Rising strong: How the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Spiegel & Grau.

Harter, S. (1999). The construction of the self: A developmental perspective. Guilford Press.

Harris, R. (2018). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Shambhala.

Kernis, M. H., & Goldman, B. M. (2006). A multicomponent conceptualization of authenticity: Theory and research. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 283-357.

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist's view of psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Schwartz, S. H. (1992). Universals in the content and structure of values: Theoretical advances and empirical tests in 20 countries. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 25, 1-65.

Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The narcissism epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement. Free Press.